It started years ago, after learning that my cousin's Maine vanity license plate, HANDAH, meant "Have a Nice Day, Asshole." It seemed so cynical, so unfriendly -- even more so when I learned that she and her husband were acquainted with others who had chosen HANDAH in their respective states. After that, as I tooled around my town of Andover, I began to notice a creep of negative license-plate messages around me, especially ones from nearby New Hampshire. I'm not lacking a sense of humor. I think it's funny that at least two people got past the license-plate censors with +SODOFF (NH) and STUGTZ (MA). I'm also willing to commiserate with those who profess themselves to be MINDLSS (NH), GROUCHY+ (NH), 2CNFUZD (NH), BITTER (NH), LAZY (NH), LOST-- (NH), STNKY (NH), a TRNWRCK (NH), and all manner of mentally unstable, as in KKRZY2 (NH), NUTS2 (NH), DSTRBD (NH), and EL*LOCO (NH). I even sympathize with those who characterize themselves, respectively, as a FOOL (MA), a MOOCH (MA), a SISSY (Bruins decal on the window, but failed to get the state), UGLY (MA), UGLY 2 (MA, motorcycle), IN-DET (NH), and HAFAST (MA). To be sure, I feel downright sorry for the persons who have chosen to drive around professing declarations like IMWRONG (NH) and UNWELL (NH). But I am offended by LIBRLSK (NH) -- another one that got past the censors. Same goes for these in-your-face statements: ILFINDU (NH), WETHNKNT (NH), CTHRU-U (NH) SUCKER (ME), GRRR (NH), and CUZIKAN (ME). I also see no need for SINISTR (NH), VICIOUS (NH) or SINNER-- (NH), nor for the aggressiveness of LOCNLOD (NH) and GTOFFME (NH). Aren't there already enough of those kinds of negative feelings in the world?
Sometimes I'm merely miffed rather than appalled by the choices people have made, for example when I see something like ROTT-N (NH), which was on the plate of a truck parked outside my dentist's office. Was it a comment on the driver's teeth? Same goes for GOUT (CT) and CHCKNPX (NH). They're diseases, for God's sake. Speaking of which, how about DYZSS (NH)? Maybe it doesn't mean what it appears to mean...? To be sure, I have misread as negative at least two metal missives, both in Manhattan as it happened: HUKKSTER and FRAUDSTER. All you readers who are savvier than I am know that Hukkster must refer to hukkster.com and fraudster today means hipster not cheater. But there's no misreading of the simplest statement of all: --EVIL-- (NH). I want to know. Can anyone answer me? What pleasure is there in advertising such a thing?
A friend has suggested that a bad-girl or bad-boy image is being sought. I’ll accept that for RIFFRAFF (NH), MAD JACK (NH), ROGUE (NH), LETHAL (NH), MARAUDER (NH), and, indeed, for BADXMPL (NH) and BADGIRL (NH) itself. I’ll also offer that I’m vaguely annoyed by the polar opposite of these license plates: the all too cheerful or the morally bossy, as in GIVBAK (perhaps predictably, MA). What is more, I'll admit that I may be taking these messages more seriously than they were ever intended to be. After all, another relative, a cousin-in-law, drives around with a license plate bearing the name of her favorite food: 2NAFSH (NH). I wish that, like her, and even like my cousin who winkingly bids bad tidings to all her fellow travelers, I could lighten up. If I did, I wouldn’t need to ponder the legitimate question of another New Hampshire-ite, Y-U-MAD (NH), and I’d leave to the gods who deal out BD KARMA (NH) the question of how to deal with the rest of it.
Sometimes I'm merely miffed rather than appalled by the choices people have made, for example when I see something like ROTT-N (NH), which was on the plate of a truck parked outside my dentist's office. Was it a comment on the driver's teeth? Same goes for GOUT (CT) and CHCKNPX (NH). They're diseases, for God's sake. Speaking of which, how about DYZSS (NH)? Maybe it doesn't mean what it appears to mean...? To be sure, I have misread as negative at least two metal missives, both in Manhattan as it happened: HUKKSTER and FRAUDSTER. All you readers who are savvier than I am know that Hukkster must refer to hukkster.com and fraudster today means hipster not cheater. But there's no misreading of the simplest statement of all: --EVIL-- (NH). I want to know. Can anyone answer me? What pleasure is there in advertising such a thing?
A friend has suggested that a bad-girl or bad-boy image is being sought. I’ll accept that for RIFFRAFF (NH), MAD JACK (NH), ROGUE (NH), LETHAL (NH), MARAUDER (NH), and, indeed, for BADXMPL (NH) and BADGIRL (NH) itself. I’ll also offer that I’m vaguely annoyed by the polar opposite of these license plates: the all too cheerful or the morally bossy, as in GIVBAK (perhaps predictably, MA). What is more, I'll admit that I may be taking these messages more seriously than they were ever intended to be. After all, another relative, a cousin-in-law, drives around with a license plate bearing the name of her favorite food: 2NAFSH (NH). I wish that, like her, and even like my cousin who winkingly bids bad tidings to all her fellow travelers, I could lighten up. If I did, I wouldn’t need to ponder the legitimate question of another New Hampshire-ite, Y-U-MAD (NH), and I’d leave to the gods who deal out BD KARMA (NH) the question of how to deal with the rest of it.
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